She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
