guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
