Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
