A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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