the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize