Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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