I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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