Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
