I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
