Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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