when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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