no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
