I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
