Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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