i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
