he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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