he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
