What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
