I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
