I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
