Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize