you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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