took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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