I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize