i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
