If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
