Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him