Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
In America we eat man semen.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
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Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
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You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.