We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
