I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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