My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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