I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
