this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
