Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
