He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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