Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
