im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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