So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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