i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
