it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
