that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Randomize
