I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
