Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize