You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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