we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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