Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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