HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
handjob tips. give me some.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
