Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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