I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
