I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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