my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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