If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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