im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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