also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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