guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
