Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
