8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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