your parents love me but you hate me
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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