24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
