A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
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