You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
