am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
