I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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